Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Job Fair!

Top ten businesses to start in today's economy

1.Easy chair rentals for those waiting in line at the State unemployment offices.Should be an easy upsell to the recliner package with a pillow and blanket as occupants will be there for a long time.

2.On-site DNA analysis for car crash deaths.These numbers are sure to skyrocket once Obama motors forces us to drive golf carts with doors and dental records i.d. may be difficult when you're teeth are ground to dust after colliding with a wayward raccoon.

3.Cyanide homeowner kits for checking out quickly once terrorists released from Gitmo will be given Government census taker jobs.Another easy upsell as it could come in one of those singing birthday cards that will play TAPS.

4.Sunglasses with built-in teleprompters so you will always have the politically correct response at hand should you run into Perez Hilton on the street.

5.Reservations for Mars colonizing expeditions.It's been determined that Gore was right on global warming because once we install the thousands of windmills in the U.S.,it will throw the globe out of balance and propel us into the sun thus warming things up a tad.

6.On-screen lie detector graphs for politicians on TV.With live real-time results as they speak,this could save the newspaper industry as print interviews would rebound as TV interviews would come to a screeching halt.

7.U.S. currency recycling stations.Once inflation goes thru the roof and the dollar devalues so low even Parker Brothers can't use it for it's Monopoly game,in the interest of being green we should at least recycle the money.This is for the southern states only as the northern states can burn it for heat.

8.Travel agents to encourage illegal immigrants to come back.Now that our job market has dried up,even our friends across our southern border aren't coming anymore.This multi-million liberal voter block once amnesty is granted is now under pressure and may need a bailout.

9.Tour operators at Constitution Hall.Surely,millions will be transfixed as they gaze at the fossilized document that once was the law of the land.People will love to hear the stories of a time when the U.S. actually respected,honored and lived under the document that actually gave us a 200+ year run of liberty until politicians and judges and a smorgasbord of special interests groups decided it was outdated.

10.Open-I will leave this one open for comment as I'm sure there are many other great suggestions I left out.

More to come...

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